Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
