I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
