let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
