We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
