mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize