let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
