Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
