why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
