Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
