sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
