Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to align my fucking chakras
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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