you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
