Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
