Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
