How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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