I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
