Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
