He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
