i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
