TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
