if i died would you start the facebook group?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
