I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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