Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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