i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
