Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
