watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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