Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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