I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
