so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
