Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize