WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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