i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
