mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize