from now on my penis is your penis
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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