I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
