you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
