We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
