so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
