He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
