Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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