I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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