May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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