i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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