Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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