Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
