R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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