1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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