I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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