My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
