i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
