What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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