You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
