ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize