Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
