I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
