I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
