I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
