He kissed a someone with a penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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