we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
