How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize