What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Your penis caused this!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
