he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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